It's Just me, V

AS I sit here taking that first sip of my morning coffee, I think back on all of the doctors, PAs, and Nurse Practitioners I have seen in my adult life (I don’t really count the time before I was 18, military doctors never saw us for more than a time or two). And I think of all of the times that I have had a legitimate concern that was blown off, told it was in my head or just handed a prescription not really knowing what it’s for. Now that I am a woman of a certain age… I am once again feeling unheard. I have weight gain that I have been battling for a few years, mood swings that could make the moon rise and fall, and (still) back pain on the regular. All I have been told is that I am “with-in my BMI”, “we can give you antidepressants” and “arthritis in my back”. The advice I get is “exercise more, the 3-4 days a week that you run is not enough cardio”, “eat smaller portions”. Once again, not feeling listened to much.

So, yesterday, I met with a new Nurse Practitioner – I was hopeful. Until I slept on it last night. She ordered more blood work, testing hormones again, testing my thyroid, again, and the regular old A1C, and cholesterol. She is getting another radiograph of my back, because they have to order that before they can get permission for an MRI. And in that same appointment I heard the usual… “You’re with-in your BMI, and you don’t have enough weight to lose to prescribe anything to help” I was told once again about portions, exercise and water intake. She also told me how she doesn’t have any sugar in her house, uses the small plates for eating and when she goes out, asks for a to-go box right away and portions her food. I wanted to scream “Good for YOU”. I am literally begging for help. I need to know WHY for the last few years I can’t drop this excess weight, I have tried intermittent fasting, Rationing my calories down to almost nothing, and have been on Weight Watchers for over 6 months – I am struggling.

I know that aging is not for the faint of heart, and I am not getting any younger. I am a mess. I know that this post may not make sense to some, but in time, you may understand. I plan on trying to either add to this one or post another as time goes on, but maybe – just maybe if I can write it out, maybe I’ll see if I have made any progress.

Now, I am going to finish this cup of coffee, blood pressure meds and some supplements, and go to work… Thanks for reading my rant.

Yours,

V~