It's Just me, V

So as I sit here words circling in my head, trying to make sense of what I’m feeling – I still feel this overwhelming sense of frustration and even sadness.

Yesterday morning, I was feeling good, ready and even happy about running a 1/2 marathon (and planning on adding a few miles to the end to get my miles in for my training plan) I got to the race venue, the air was cool, the energy was upbeat, I had contemplated starting early, but because I missed read the start time in my email, I was fine with starting with the rest of the group. I felt good. My plan? Running 2:1 intervals, something I’ve been training with and am comfortable.

Trotting along, I knew already that I was going to be back of the pack, probably last, but I felt good. Whoah, what is up with all of this up hill? Made it to mile 3 ish, took nutrition (an apple sauce and veggie pouch) Still feeling pretty good! Looking forward to a couple more long runs this coming month, and my full marathon at the end of October.

I made it to mile 6 and the first turnaround, took another pouch, this one with electrolytes and more water. The temperature was heating up, and I could feel my heart in my throat. This next bit of the trail was down hill, so I took advantage of it, running a bit more (never waste a downhill) Still feeling the exhilaration of movements, I was able to smile and even turned on music on my phone, I don’t usually run with music, but it felt right. On to the next challenge, The second “finger” of the trail. A steep downhill that comes right off of the hill I was on, followed by a steeper up hill – I got this – Up I go… then I realized, SHIT, there’s a pretty significant uphill all the way to the turn around! Now I’m basically hiking up this hill, trying to stay positive, sipping water from my pack and singing along with my music (in my head – because I can still feel that heartbeat drumming away in my throat) Making it to the top of that hill, is an aid station and the turnaround! Thank Goodness! Now to turn and go down hill for a while!

Sipping water and getting my next pouch ready, I went back into the rhythm of my intervals. So happy for down hill! Finally made it to the steep down, followed by the steep up and off to the right, back on the trail to the finish line, about 4 ish miles to go! Trotting the intervals as I had planned, made it back to the pavement and the cramping in my legs began.

I was walking about 1:30 and then trotting 1:30 at this point, just trying to keep up some sense of a decent pace. Sipping more water, it was getting warm in the pack, but I was trying to stay hydrated. Made it at this pace for about another mile or so, then started walking only. I knew the way back, I had my music, water, more nutrition, I would be fine. Trying to keep the positive self talk up is hard when leg cramps and heart rate are telling you otherwise. The last aid station is just ahead, I went under a bridge with running water next to it (oh the coolness of that bridge was so invigorating). I rounded the corner and made it to the water stop, the teens running it were super sweet, and I knew I was going to make it back. I got just past them, saw my dear friend and told her I felt awful. She noticed that I was goose bumped and not sweating much (if any) – She asked my heart rate and it was high. Riding her bike back to the aid station to get ice water, I actually LAID DOWN on the concrete to ease the pain in my legs. The teens and my friend brought ice and water. I filled my hat with ice and laid there eating it. Even cracking a joke about getting old. (Not for the faint of heart) After a few minutes, and the option of calling it, I asked about how far I had to the finish. There is about 1.5 miles left – damnit, I was determined to finish.

Stopping with my friend once more, I got some more ice, poured that ice water on my wrists, and stuffed a few cubes in my bra, I went walking along, pushing – thinking to myself, “what went wrong?” AS I was walking that last 3/4 mile, I came to the realization that I had a perfect storm. I have just started new medication, the temperatures rose fast, and even though I thought I was doing well on hydration, I was working at a deficit. It was then, I decided I needed to think long and hard about my full marathon at the end of October. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but if I have a repeat, I may not make the time cut off or worse, if my heart didn’t want to play fair. About then, I got a text from another friend at the finish line, encouraging me and staying they were there to cheer me in.

I really have great friends in this area, yet another friend, came out on the trail as I was about 1/4 from the finish to meet me and walk in with me. I needed that more than I could say. I was in a bad place, and just her presence made me feel better, even when we almost got his by a cyclist with no warning! Muttering a few choice words about him, and then crossing that small foot bridge, I was there, at that finish line. My friends waiting and cheering, a cold towel to help cool down, and a huge bucket of left over ice was a special treat to sit in for a cool down! I finished – but my mind was still going.

After getting home, sitting in a nice epsom salt bath and several huge glasses of water and electrolytes, and lunch. I was able to think more clearly. With a lot of deliberation, a lot of tears, and so much encouragement from my adventure buddy and my husband, I made the decision to defer my registration to Marine Corps Marathon 49. I had a real scare, I am not about to go out to Washington DC and fail, or worse; not come home.

I’ll figure out my training with these new medications, for now, it’s time to pick myself up, recover, and begin learning how to train again, differently. I’ll be back out there in no time, and MCM 50 is MINE.

Photo credit: Demoksha Photography